ashalash

I dont know man. this was nice. it lasted a week. oooh oooh

The reflection of the trees passing in my purple tinted shades was the reflection in my back window that I saw through my rear view mirror, which in all was a merely a reflection itself. As I went forth towards my destination I pondered on the vast subject . . .

MYSELF . . .

I relfected back so far and to think about it has caused me to believe that I am as beautiful as the "tripple reflection in one." Some may say it is beautiful, others do not understand its beauty, and some may not find it positively stimulating to the visual senses at all.

I value the simplicity in all the other beauty I have discovered in the world, the universe even whether it had been man made or natural, but there is a problem. This deep appreciation for my own beauty is only present from time to time. How does one keep confident is the question that I struggle to find the answer to. A great portion my thinking is spent wondering about the answer to that question rather than what I can do to improve the opinion I have of myself in general.

The answer must be near. I know that I'm close enough to it by at least understanding that there is room needed for improvement. Wait a moment. Maybe I do know the trick. . .

It's not about changing the physical aspect of one when thinking so negatively. It's about changing one's mind, and I will be the first to say the it is more difficult to alter one's mind, thoughts, and ways versus the abilty to alter one's body.

Most of our beauty comes from within.

I possess some poor, unethical traits, yet I am certain that if I just took time to discover myself and just love who I am and the atmosphere I dwell in, a genrally good natured person may develop. This goes for all who may struggle with confidence and at times, a low self esteem.

I think I am directing myself closer to the pot of gold as I carry on in this very entry, But it must end somewhere Possibly in time for me to begin my journey to success. Success to me is nothing but happiness.

I hope I have made myself clear up to this point at least. I am positive most of what I have touched up on has been said time and time again by one person or another, but my goal has been to help myself by constructing a method through writing and utterly to help others refresh their spirits whether my words contribute to them or not.

I shall just leave that there is truth in the quote

"beauty comes from within".

Positive energy, positive vibes, peace, love, happiness, so much more, but nothing less.

-Ashalash

TWAT WAFFLE

im ritcheous.

<3

i'm wearing red pants right now. i am going to go clean the ferret cage in like 5 minutes.


random is key.

i will most likely go sew clothes with ali. no i am going to sew clothes and be sexy with ali.

ALEXALASH time.

so i crashed my car last weekend i just ate breakfast for once. two new events in my life.

i hate this house. i cant sleep because either pat steels covers or aaron snores and it is fucking rediculosly loud. . . .

i might be getting my cousins car. she is sellingit for $800. i wouldnt mind having that rather then fixing the "forda contour" it might be good bye for the ford. hey new beginnings. when i got the ford life was "meh. . . gay at times and good at others but for the most part just kind of lame" i take it as a subliminal message. mayybe things will come together now. haha . . .kind of a silly way of thinking but thats how i float.

ihave to work tonight from 6 - 10 at jumbo donuts. yes sarah nigger jumbo donuts, so you should stop by lady!

everyone ever should come visit before 9. at nine i get strreessed and have a ton of side work to do so come in before.

you know

bye

nothing can descibe how i feel.
no one could explain my thoughts
i am for me to understnd.

how cliche right?
fuck dat shit in the ass.
i am not even depressed person.
i love my problem.
i dont cry because i have a problem
im glad i do
my ever so complex problem!
YES!

this chick is fuckin slammin!

i finally took the oppurtunity to fall in love with daniel johns tonight. fuck the zodiac. its starting to freak me out. the fact that every male figure i am interested in getting to know because they may seem to have more behind a handsome face is starting to freak the shit out of me. i never read about musicians i enjoy for the exception of a couple.

if i havent already told you i have a weird attraction to taurus's. i never took the time to get to know the band silverchair. i always knew about them and of course 'ana's song' and what its about. my friend tiffany has had the album frogstomp in her cd case since we were little and i am wondering now why i never bothered to listen even though i had this huge temptation to. puzzles me but whatever.

i dont know how to explain this but if you were me you'd be freaked out right now. every single boy/male that i ahve wanted to get to know is a taurus. daniel johns of silverchair is a taurus. whats funny is i dont read alot, but i wanted to know about him so i read, and upon reading i stumbled on random facts. pointless facts even. the writer knew this too because he stated in daniels biography these exact words

" Okay, those were some even more pointless facts...want another one? Daniel's a Taurus...wow."

i saw that and wanted to melt. i knew there was a reason i heard his voice, i listened and i mean really listened to the music, and felt the same passion just listening as he probably did recording/ and/or performing.

i dont know. i am just so happy i'm getting into silverchair. they're helping me through a tough rut with my many struggles and and self unassurance if thats a word (im too lazy for dictionary dot com.) i am not saying these problems are sufficant in destroyng my days, but my rest at night has been at risk for months. this band and many others help me escape.


<3

i loved the air last night. i wished that the breeze would have flowed the same way it did when the car was in motion when i was just standing outside. It was perfect. my hand just slid through chunks of what you can't even see, and it happened to complete me. the texture in the atmosphere, like a surround sound to my skin caused me to just let go of whatever it is that has been taking over my mental ability to grasp meaning for this life i live, i own, i love.

-love ash

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder
Will I be alone again tomorrow?
Will I be alone again today?

I wish I
could find a way to disappear
Miles and miles and miles and no one near
got to settle my mind, got to settle my mind
got to settle my mind, got to settle it

{chorus}
I've got a reason to believe
Lonely days are gonna go away
I got a reason to believe,
Come a long come a long come a long way
and I've come a long way

I wish that I was crippled and blind
then I wouldn't have this on my mind
I wish that I was deafened and dumb
I wouldn't have to talk to anyone, anyone no

Confusion confusion
All I need all I really need is an
Illusion an illusion
All I know, all I really know is...

{chorus}

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder
Will I be alone again tomorrow?
Will I be alone again today?
Will I be alone again today?
I'll get away...

And this cheers me up:

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	× I own lots of books.  (about 20)
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.  (meh . . .)
✓ I've watched porn movies.  (wednesday night with alexis and caity haha)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )

wow i havent updated my journal for a while. i dont really know whatt to write about either. aaron got his first tattoo today. i ate at antonios pizza. i saw dan brown and friends at the tattoo parler.

i had plans with courtnie and hannah but that fell through because i dont have the motivation to drive out to new bedford.

tonight is just what ever for me. i am extrememly blank and dont really care about anything i do right now. i just want to excerise but the only excersize that i really love to do is dance. so it makes sense to me to just go to club hell and dance. i have been jogging lately which is awesome. my wardrobe is coming along. i have been obsessing with clothes lately and i dont mean going shopping, i mean barganing and collecting/making garments.

i have a new word that i use constantly these days "meh . . . . " and that is how i feel. "meh . . ."


k bye

sometimes calling the people who have been by your side for so long "fakes" is not cool. i mean selfish, yeah, at this point in an early adolesent's/adult's life we tend to be a bit selfish.
i see it in many people.

we don't all have it made.

we aren't all happy, nor settled.

we aren't all smart.

we don't all make the best decisions.

but hopefully, we are all slowly learning and maturing.

everyone has flaws . . . I CCCCCCOOOOOONNNNNFFFFFFEEEEESSSSSSSS

"Hi my name is Ashley Kuipers, and I'm selfish due to loneliness."

you know what? i am working on it.

but anyways, i have been getting my shit together and it is a nice feeling to have finally gained some motivation to do so. i'm getting some hours at JUMBO i believe. I am not super excited but I guess I am content knowing I'll be able to put some money away. hopefully. CAMP CREEK is the 29th and i am so down for that! last night i went to the BOSTON FIREWORKS and it was really sweet. i got very close to steven tyler and joe perry!

well i woke up at 2 nd i got shit to do so fucking CHOW!

<3

caity, yes! me and you today sing the blues baby you know cus i'm a wooooooman

(DOUBLE YOU OH EM A ENNNNNNN)

Amenash: i would date the singer from blind melon before STEVEO any day!</h3>




oh my god! he is life!



steveo was`quite amazing. but not fullfilling. . .. i bet shannon moon would have been fullfilling if he wasan't dead and if we dated . . .


ABOUT AWESOME STEVE:

Amenash: i hope he realizes his loss

Amenash: even though his loss cant get over him

BLANK: he wont unfortunately cause hes stupid

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







fuckin A ! ! !!! ! !! ! !



i havent thought about him for the last two weeks! and now all of a sudden becasue he took my photo off his "myspace" and ME off his "top 5, 0 00 0 0 000 0 0 0 0 0 " and what not i am hurting!





fuck myspace



i wish i knew you thought that little of me before!


i miss you soooooooooo much steve




it really really hurts



and i dont care if my friends think i am feeling sorry for myself, because this hurts sooooooo much. being alone hurts, and i have been trying to face the facts that i dont have to be with someone to be happy but i am so lonely and i just would love to find someone to love . . . .STEVE HURTS . . . . . you are probably saying "why didnt you get over him a looooooooooooooooong time ago?" well. i dont know . . . he's precious to me.




whatever . . . .it sucks that i am not precious to him, becuase i am a pretty girld, with a lot going for me and a big heart that is ready to love and support and care for someone else, but he doesnt feel that way about me. . .. .O MY GOD IT KILLS


<3 i'm am so sorry if my self pitty has offended anyone. . i was holding on for a while pretty strong and then all of a sudden, BAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! i am sad.


i'll be okay i promise but i have to cry this off . . . .wow


it killls


it killss

it killls

i helped brandon out because he totaled his car. . . sorry about that dude, but i am glad i could help ya in the least bit.

i am waitin for my phone to charge, and then i am going to pick up sarah nigger and her, aaron, pat, and i will head out to provedince to see the ever so wonderful DJ SKUNK.


hannah! courtnie! get a hold of us and we'll come see you!!!?!!?!?!!!!! That'd be so awesome!

i got a big list of things to get done and i think that is the only thing that has been stresssin me out in the least bit. but other than that i am just living eacccccccch day like it is and how it should be. i have responsibilities and i am beginning to tke care of um. its rough, but i got hope fooooooo shoooooooo. . .

<3


caity! OMfuckingG . . i am really excited to come see ya at your dads house!

chow

Love

some times i sell my soul to the public.


hhaahhaaha


welll what the fuck does my soul consist of anyways?


listen to the goo goo dolls and the gin blosssoms. fuckin, youll be all set if you do that. seriously i listened to them when iwoke up and all of sudden i could live life. meh.. . . .



music


and fuck you, no not you, you

like "a drink" pffft!!

lauren wants to get blitzed. . . hahaaha

i have options tonight. . .go to hell with jami, go to hell with pat and aaron, go to hell by myself, or go to hell with ashley my wife. other then that i am excited for this weekend. i am going to hang with miles tommorow and i am going to dance my life away tonight. i was suppose to go on a date with hoey, but i dont know what happened with that. hmmm. . . well i dont really have much to write about. i am going to vaccumm my bedroom and then get ready for the evening to come. . .





love and much of it,
splashalash



<3

o man i need sleep. i want my space to loook cleaned up and more organized with less sections, but i dont know how. i have been trying to work on it today, but i dont know how to get rid of the heros, tv, music, books, interests, schools sections and such. if anyone knows a site i can go to hat'd be awesome.

the only cool thing on my myspace right now is the picture of i think bruce li in my contact sps table.

well anyways, today was good. caity and i got together once again it that was just splendiddddd indeed. it's 2 a.m. and i am fallin asleep here

peace

I really like Mr. Big. I don't know what to write about really. caitlyn is coming by. i am really happy about that. tonight alexis is going to dress me up like a sexy super woman again for fetish night. i am excited for that!!!!!!! tonight is going to be fun. fetish night was amazing last time when i went!

before all this i have to go to bank of america to straighten out my $114 debpt. i dont knwo how to spell dept. awwww oh man. i hope they refund that money to me. stupid charges i was unaware of.

listen to Mr. Big. . .They are so good!

oh <33

"oh Fred!"
"yeah?!"
"No body walks out on me . . BANG BANG!!!"
"Sweet Heart!!!!!!!"
"Don't sweetehart me you son of a bitch!"
"Whoopie! Hatchhhha! Jazz!"
"And All that Jaaaazzzzzzzz!!!!"

-oh you know